“From all the millions of people on earth, there are many who would make a good husband (or wife) for me. God doesn’t really care who we marry.”

Bev Caruso, and her husband Pete

You’ve heard this from friends or family members. Maybe you’ve even said it yourself.

But is it true?

Technically it probably is true. God can make any marriage work if the two will apply biblical principles to their relationship.

In our fifty-two years of pastoring and teaching together we’ve observed a good many couples. Sadly, the majority of these marriages would rank only mediocre on a Marriage Rating scale.

Yet when we examine the Scriptures, there is no doubt that God intends for our marriages to be personally fulfilling and a blessing – to each other. With nearly half of even Christian marriages ending in divorce, is there anything we can do to see a turnaround in the marriages of the 21st century?

I believe we can! It starts with recognizing that God does care about who we marry. He proved it to Pete and me in a totally unexpected way.

We were married six months after we met, a few months after I graduated from high school. Our first Thanksgiving together was a special one: my first holiday meal with his extended Italian-American family.

I was amazed when spaghetti and meatballs were brought on heaping plates; my family always had turkey and all the trimmings Thanksgiving dinner. This is going to be interesting, I thought. It was a large serving, but I was determined to eat every bite.

To my astonishment, turkey, and all the trimmings followed, then salad and bread, then nuts and fruit, and finally dessert. Only the women of the house left the table—in four hours.

On the way home Pete and I laughed about my limited capacity for food. It was then I remembered the previous Thanksgiving. I asked, “Did anything unusual happen to you a year ago?”

He thought for only a moment, and then launched into his recollections.

He was in the U.S. Army, stationed in Germany. He had arrived there as a new Christian. Pete’s character and lifestyle changed radically after he gave his life to the Lord. He was eager to follow Christ in every area of life, especially regarding dating and marriage. Early in his Christian walk Pete had promised the Lord he would let Him choose his wife for him. “Just put her in my path, Lord. I can’t make such an important decision for myself. I’m willing to be single; but you know I want to be married.” He renewed that commitment and request each day for three years.

In Germany in that year of 1957, having the Thanksgiving turkey plopped onto his metal tray by strangers who saw this day as no different from the next was a far cry from the large family gathering taking place in California. Homesickness grabbed him by the throat and squeezed tight.
Suddenly he remembered the cute fraulein – what was her name? – who worked just off base. He decided he’d sin, just today. He determined to take her for a date, to a movie, then to bed. He was sure she was available—and willing.

After dinner he took her to her apartment building. He was still wondering what her last name was, and embarrassed to ask, considering his intentions.

Just inside the first of a double set of doors was a row of mailboxes. Perhaps this was his chance to learn her name. As she put the key into the lock of the interior doors, he turned briefly and pointed to the boxes. “Which mailbox is yours?” he asked as he heard the latch open. He turned back for the answer—but she was gone.

Quickly he looked through the glass in the door, searching the hallway and the stairs with his eyes. Instinctively he opened the outer door and looked up and down the street, but he knew she couldn’t have exited that fast, or silently. He knew it was impossible, but she was nowhere to be seen. There was nothing left for him to do, but to return to his barracks.

As Pete finished his story on that, our first Thanksgiving together, he looked across the car into my eyes. Maybe he was wondering if I was offended by the account.

I sat in wonderment for a full minute, until he finally inquired, “Why did you ask?”

Now it was time for my story. As I had the previous three years, on that Thanksgiving weekend a year earlier I had attended a church youth convention in Los Angeles. Young people from churches all over Southern California gathered to hear challenging speakers. Of course, I admitted, my friends and I also looked forward each year to meetings guys and girls from other churches—well, mostly guys. We even tried to learn in which nearby restaurants those we were interested in would be eating.

But, I told Pete, last year during the first service a burden of prayer had come over me. I didn’t know what I was to pray for. I only knew that the man I had been praying for daily for two years, the one I referred to in my prayers as “the man I’m going to marry,” was in need of prayer. I explained that because of watching my own parent’s unhealthy marriage, I was fearful of marriage, and had decided that I would make sure I had God’s choice, or remain single forever.

So at the youth convention, for a day-and-a-half, I spent my time praying every minute I wasn’t in the common meetings.

Then suddenly during one of the services the prayer burden lifted. I didn’t know why; I didn’t know what had happened. I went back to being a carefree teenager at a youth convention.

We rode silently along Interstate 5 for a while. Both of us knew the treasure we had uncovered. Even before we had met, God had used a high school senior to pray her future husband out of a situation where he was about to sin.

We have shared this story many times: across the dinner table, in churches, in our Marriage Enrichment Seminars, and when we teach in Youth With A Mission’s Discipleship Training Schools. We encourage young people to ask God for His choice of a husband or wife for them, and we encourage parents to pray for the future spouses of their own children.

We began praying for the future spouses of our three children when they were quite young. Our daughter Debbie had been dating Dean for quite a while before Pete left for a month-long ministry trip to India. Before driving to the airport he told me, “If something should happen to me and I never make it back, it’s okay for Debbie to marry Dean.” Sure enough, while he was gone, they realized they were in love. Thankfully Pete returned safely and was there for Dean to ask for Pete’s blessing to marry her. They’ve now been married for thirty-four years.

Our son’s stories, of course, are different. Yet we found that by the time God brought each of their spouses into their lives, we already loved them.

Now we’re praying for the future spouses of our grandchildren—and great grandchildren. Don’t wait until yours are grown to begin praying for those that will one day become a part of your family.

Bev Caruso, and her husband Pete, have served the Lord together for over 50 years. They pastored two churches for a total of 35 years and have preached or taught in 35 countries: in schools and colleges, barrios and offices, prisons and jungles. Whether encouraging weary pastors or missionaries or praying for the sick, speaking through an interpreter or teasing with their grandchildren, their love for God and His people shines through. They recently coauthored: Keeping It Fresh—A Love that Keeps on Growing based on the Marriage Enrichment Seminars they team-teach. The Caruso’s continue to teach and preach. They have three grown children, eight grandchildren, and currently nine great-grandchildren. They can be contacted at: Caruso@across2u.com. Or visit their website: www.PeteandBevCaruso.com